My man and I have been together for 18 months. We don't live together but live close by so we spend a lot of time together.
I know that it is common for couples to have less sex after a while but this just seems ridiculous. We went from having sex 3-5 times a week to once. He is affectionate, lots of kisses and hugs and hand holding. He tells me that he loves me often. But like I said we rarely have sex anymore and he wont communicate to me about why. We used to have very open dialogue but whenever I ask about sex or his other worries he clams up.
When I ask about sex he gets frustrated and says that he was just too tired and maybe a little depressed because of his job. He also suggested that I have a higher sex drive because I am 5 years younger.
However he watches porn often when I am not there. So I think that the excuse of tired/ depressed is bogus.
I have tried the following- lingerie, nice nighties, dressing up/ costumes, role plays, sexy text messages, dying my hair back to blonde as he prefers it, wearing less make-up because he prefers it, being around less/ spending less time at his house, being spontaneous, asking him to have a shower with me and outright asking what I can do.
Nothing works for very long. Whenever I try to broach the topic he refuses to tell me why we are having less sex and insists there is nothing I can do. After these conversations he initiates sex that night or the next morning/ day. While I am happy to have sex these times and have my desires met, it screams of pity ******************** and guilt sex.
I have no idea what to do. This is crushing me, my self esteem is evaporating and it makes me feel unsexy and undesirable. I catch my self in moments of self loathing that I thought I had left in the past, many many years ago...
He had started to play A LOT of video games lately and is rarely interested in going out places with me. If I go and do something and leave him playing video games he gets angry at me. Its like he wants me in the house doing something else while he plays games...
In addition he smokes heaps of weed. I don't smoke at all, when we first got together he smoked a joint every night but that was all. I never said a word about it even though I don't smoke myself. Now he smokes so much more than that and he now smokes bongs. I hate bongs.
He says he is miserable with his job and doesn't feel intellectually stimulated. He is dissapointed at him self for dropping out of Uni and for never going back. He says that for the last 10 years since he left it is an ongoing cycle of hating his job and regret about Uni which makes him smoke more weed and drink more booze which dulls his motivation to change. I have said that I am more than happy to support him emotionally etc if he decides to go back to Uni but he says that its too late, hes too old, he doesn't want to give up weed yet, he doesn't want to have no money etc etc. He then clams up again and doesn't want to talk about it.
He knows that he is not happy, he knows what he needs to do to change but he wont. Smoking weed is more important.
And I daresay that the weed is effecting our sex life too..
WHAT IS GOING ON? What can I do?
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